Working 9-5 as a Sensitive/Empath.
One day I might work it all out. One day I might know how to coexist as a Sensitive in a world that doesn't support or encourage sensitivity .
Until I work out - the path that suits my sensitivity, I will continue to struggle.
Constantly I find myself in situations that bruise my Aura. Causing me to feel jaded and exhausted. As a sensitive I literally absorb the feelings and emotions of those that surround me. I suck up the stresses and anxieties of those that come within sniffing distance of my personal space.
Friends, family, work colleagues and even strangers.
As a highly intuitive person, I not only hear the words spoken, I hear the words that are unspoken. I hear the quickening breaths of anxiety, I hear the beats of a lonely heart. I see the panic and stress deep within the eyes. I feel the worry that weighs heavy in repetitive, racing thoughts. I see the grey dense negative energy that surrounds a person’s outline. My stomach will echo the tension and feelings of unease. I listen, I see, I hear; and I absorb.
Right now, and like many Highly Sensitive folk, I have a need to emerge myself in the 9-5. Money Talks. I am on the rebound from a Love affair with Self Employment. I loved it and I hated it. I enjoyed my work, working as an Empath in the NHS, it was challenging but very rewarding. Waiting for the invoices to be paid and the promised work to materialise, not so great.
So out of survival, I find myself conforming and going to the office every Monday to Friday and sitting at my desk 9-5. I wear the obligatory Black office trousers, and any other pieces of black clothing I can find, to go with them. Struggling to find the enthusiasm to bring anymore colour into my wardrobe. I go in, I shuffle paper and get myself absorbed in the whirlwind and chaos that I find myself in.
My major problem here, is that with respect, I do not think this is unique to the office I am in now. You see I have experienced this situation with every office I have found myself in (except one). With respect and honouring the empire that has been orchestrated, I have much admiration for the Business.
It’s me, and I know it’s me. (This is not a cheesy break up line). I am too flipping sensitive. Please do not think that I cry all the time – because I certainly do not. Maybe if I did, it might help to release all that I absorb??
The Boss you see, is…… very different to me. Very hectic, very erratic, angry, lots of effing and jeffing, un-organised, high energy, fuelled on coffee and a very nice person. HOWEVER, these traits penetrate my energy field, and literally leave me feeling totally and utterly fried.
For the Boss, no time for a lunch break – just another Coffee and cigarette. I try and escape for a moment to take in some fresh air, a moment to centre myself and stare at the sky, asking for help and protection. Feeling guilty for the time spent away from the mayhem.
I leave at the end of the day, with my head pulsating, I am drained, unable to think clearly, unable to make clear decisions, with a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings and emotions being processed and repeated again and again, all the way home.
I replay the day, the atmosphere in the office. The feelings of highly charged adrenalin, galloping along at 100mph. Work having to be processed at lightening speeds, whether it be done correctly or not. That is irrelevant. It just had to be done – actioned – off the freaking desk – pronto!
As an Empath, I feel and absorb every part of this RAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
Part of me wants to run away. The other part of me is cross at myself for being so sensitive. Why can’t I just be normal? When will I ever conform?
I know I am not alone in this struggle, as statistics say that at least 20% of the population also have a highly evolved nervous system, and will be just like me. For those of you finding your way in this frantic world - take solace in knowing, your sensitivity is special and needs to be embraced.
Without us Sensitives there would not have been so many great achievements and breakthroughs. We are the thinkers and the creative types, who have a constant battle between our heads and our hearts. Embrace your uniqueness, we are just sensitive little souls.
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